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David Letterman TV Show Sound Bites

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Take_me.wav
Dave: "If I clean the garage, will you take me to wrestlin'?"

Take_off_your_pants.wav
Dave: "All right, all right, all right, I got an idea. Take off your pants!"
Paul: "My what?"
Dave: "Take off your pants!"

Thank_you.wav
Dave: "Thank you for all the fun! Thank you!"

Thats_right.wav
Dave: "That's right... I have the strength of ten men."

Them_bats.wav
Dave: "Them bats is smart; they use radar."

Theory_about_madonna.wav
Dave: "I have a theory about Madonna... I think she loves to shock us."

There_used_to_be.wav
Dave: "Uh, there used to be, a couple of years ago, a woman who would break into my house."
 

They_dont_want.wav
Paul: "Dave, uh, I meant to speak to you about something before the show."
Dave: "Yeah, what's the matter?"
Paul: "They don't want you to do the masturbation scene tonight."

This_place_blows.wav
Dave: "This place blows."

This_stuff.wav
Dave: "By the way, ladies and gentlemen, as always ... this stuff in lieu of actual entertainment."

Tie_too_tight.wav
Dave: "I wonder if my tie is too tight... cutting off blood flow to the brain."
Paul: "No, no, no."

Tissue.wav
Dave: "Do we have a tissue? Is there a tissue?"

Twenty-two_pounds.wav
Dave: "Twenty-two pounds of chickens, 18 eggplants."

Uhhooooh.wav
Dave: "Uhhooooh!"

Very_exciting.wav
Dave: "This is very, very exciting."

Waah_waah.wav
"Waah waah" sfx.

Wake_the_kids.wav
Dave: "Ladies and gentlemen, wake the kids, phone the neighbors."

Wave_to_america.wav
Phone rings.
Dave: "There, going for the phone, picks it up, and now saying..."
Meg: "Hello. Publicity."
Dave: "Hi, Meg, it's me, Dave, over here at NBC."
Meg: "Hi!"
Dave: "Turn around and wave to America."
Audience cheers.

We_have_to_go.wav
Dave: "Uh, we have to go. Good night, everybody."

Weasel.wav
Dave: "Oh, there they go! They're chanting weasel again."
Audience: "Weasel, weasel, weasel ..."
Dave: "Oh, that's enough. Hey, hey, hey!....... Weasel, weasel..."
Audience: "Weasel, weasel, weasel!"

Weasely.wav
Dave: "Could I be a little more weasely?"
Paul: "To what do we owe this outburst of weaseliness?"

Website_every.wav
Dave: "I don't know if you know this about me. You might have read it. It's been written up in various area periodicals. I have, in my spare time, visited every web site on the Internet... I've seen them all."

Welcome.wav
Dave: "Welcome to New York City. Welcome to the show. I'm Dave."

Welcome1.wav
Dave: "Thank you very much, folks. Welcome to the alleged show. Thank you."

Welcome2.wav
Dave: "Uh, welcome to the program, ladies and gentlemen."

What.wav
Dave: "What?"

What_is_wrong_with_you.wav
Dave: "What is wrong with you?!"

What_the_hell.wav
Dave: "Yo, what the hell??"

What_the_hell2.wav
Dave: "What the hell are you doing?"

Whats_the_matter.wav
Dave: "Haa, what's the matter, Al?"
Al Marr: "I thought if I shake it a little, it might do something."
Dave: "Good idea... Usually works for you, doesn't it, Al?"

Who_gives.wav
Pete Fatovich: "Who gives a rat's ass?"

Will_you_relax.wav
Dave Letterman: "Will you relax? Will you get off my back? Will you give me a minute to think? Easy, easy! You're driving me too hard! Give me a break! I need to think! I need time!"

Worms_and_insects.wav
Anton Figg: "I love autumn because the birds fly south for the winter, and that leaves more worms and insects for me."

Wow.wav
Dave: "Wow!"

Yah_pinhead.wav
Dave: "Ya pinhead!"

Ya_weasels.wav
Dave: "Yeah... Hey, that's uncalled for! I'll clear this courtroom, ya weasels!"

Yes_marv.wav
Marv Albert: "Yes!"

You_babies.wav
Dave: "You babies."

You_guys_suck.wav
Dave: "Hello, you're on the air."
Caller: "Hi Paul, hi Dave."
Dave: "Hi."
Caller: "You know, uh, most of the people who support this thing don't realize that... you guys suck!"

You_shut_your_mouth.wav
Paul: "You shut your mouth, you gap-toothed weasel!"
Dave: "Oh yeah, why don't you shut yours, you Canadian geek!"
Paul: "Hey, go to hell, you cross-eyed bastard!"
Dave: "Hey, you do the same, toad boy!"
Paul: "Listen, you've had this coming for years, Letterman!"
Sfx: Crash.
Dave: "Ahh! ... I'm gonna kill you!"

You_sonofabitch.wav
Dave: "You sonofabitch!"

You_suck.wav
Dave: "Yeah, let's go to the phones now. Uh, hi there, you're on the air."
Caller: "Hi. Uh, you know, I think the real, uh, the problem with this is that... you suck, Letterman!"

You_weasels.wav
Dave: "You weasels."

Zeppelin.wav
Dave: "And now some more Zeppelin, Stairway to Heaven."

Zip.wav
Dave: "Paul, nice to see you. Nice to see everybody in the band."
Paul: "Good to see you, sir."
Dave: "Uh, of course, Sid McGinnis, Will Lee, and Antoinne Zip, our drummer."
Paul: "That would be Anton Fig."
Dave: "Anton Figg, yes."

Zip-lock.wav
Dave: "Zip-Lock my ass!"
 

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